Feats of Strength
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Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Oh, but I think I forgot to mention: I put in my two-week notice on Monday! Sweet Jesus, after nearly four years at a job I loathe most of the time, I am FREE!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Isn't it interesting how the word "interest" has two VERY different meanings in our language?
How's this for depressing (seen on the ACS website today, as I checked to see when my next student loan payment is due):
ORIGINAL LOAN AMOUNT $63,308.94
CAPITALIZED INTEREST $5,990.31
OUTSTANDING BALANCE $69,078.10
Super, deep sigh. I am making about $38K a year right now. How is anyone supposed to handle this? How is anyone supposed to consider owning a home or having a family? Or being single? Or being coupled with one income so one person can stay home with the kids?
Well. I guess this is one reason why I'm going into organizing (the church property is due to close TOMORROW. Read: When the property sale is finalized, I get to put in my notice at work! OMIGOD pinch me!).
What's weird is that I won't make any more money as an organizer, but I anticipate feeling MUCH better about my contribution to the world. Social work/counseling is for the birds. I urge anyone to NOT go get a Masters in Counseling or Social Work. Just flush $60,000 down the toilet and go volunteer somewhere, I say.
I am being overly dramatic for effect. I am also not completely kidding.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
The board has received and approved your intern report as submitted.
Congratulations! You have completed your hours required for LPC Licensure. Your file has been forwarded to
Connie Brown who will be forwarding you a Congrats packet in the near future.
Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
Thank you.
Internship Report for
HALL, WENDY
Supervisor: GLISCZINSKI, ELIZABETH J - Full Time
Report Type Start Date End Date Face to Face Phone Client Total Individual Group Phone Supervisor Total
Degree / / / / 249.00 0.00 249.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00
Report 1 06/01/2006 12/01/2006 221.50 0.00 221.50 6.00 11.00 0.00 17.00
Report 2 12/01/2006 06/01/2007 301.00 0.00 301.00 9.00 9.00 0.00 18.00
Report 3 06/02/2007 12/01/2007 0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00
Report 3 06/01/2007 12/01/2007 325.00 0.00 325.00 7.50 9.00 1.50 18.00
Report 4 12/01/2007 06/01/2008 504.00 0.00 504.00 9.00 9.00 0.00 18.00
Report 5 06/01/2008 12/01/2008 0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00 0.00
Report 6 12/01/2008 05/31/2009 392.00 1.00 393.00 7.50 7.50 0.00 15.00
Report 7 06/01/2009 11/30/2009 466.00 0.00 466.00 9.00 9.00 0.00 18.00
Total 2458.50 1.00 2459.50 48.00 54.50 1.50 104.00
Lonnie Knotts
Oregon Board of Counselors and Therapists
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Oh, man. It just feels like there's so much going on, and I keep thinking it would probably help to barf it all out. Like, it's probably not nearly as overwhelming as it feels.
I go to Chicago this weekend. I leave early Friday morning and get back Monday night. I am anticipating suckage, but who knows. It's a leadership training, and I am largely going because the institution that I'm going with would like to try to get funds to hire me as a full-time organizer. Which would be very, very nice.
So Scott and I are running a workshop on Saturday I think. The other three days, I have no idea. I guess I'll be sitting in workshops about organizing, most likely hearing stuff I already know. I guess I can be a ringer at a table. I am really not looking forward to this trip. I just realized this.
Last Saturday I went back to Olympia for another roller derby bout. Denver vs. Oly Rollers! Oly beat them 170 to 168, it was sooo close. It was an athletic, rollicking event. V. impressive.
I also saw Adam Craven, who I probably hadn't seen in 10 years and really talked to in 20 years. Adam was one of my closest friends in high school, and although we were never an item, we did go to prom together as default dates. He was a skater, and funny, and smart. We lived in the same apartment complex and our moms got to be friends, too.
He is now 37 and pretty much the same, but now he has a 17-year-old. Which is insane. And things between us were exactly the same. We just picked up right where we left off -- why is it you are able to just do that with some friends?
Adam's younger brother Ryan used to come over to borrow sugar for his cereal. He also had a wicked sense of humor. Later I heard that he got into drugs pretty bad. Then I heard he had gotten clean, was doing great. Adam told me that last summer, Ryan died suddenly of an overdose. No one is sure if it was a one-time use or if he had gotten back to using again. Either way, he's gone. He must have been around 34. God. Also, I found out my first boyfriend, Steve Smith, died a couple of years ago. Adam didn't know how. My first guess would be overdose. I wondered if he'd ever pull it together.
Death updates aside, it felt so good to see Adam. I always feel like I'm in a time warp when I'm in Olympia. Like, I think I don't remember much but then I get there and drive around and know how to get where the next thing is, and I didn't even remember that I remembered that shop/office/restaurant/corner. I lived there for six years, ages 16 to 22. Pretty important years I guess. First driver's license, first car, first boyfriend, first degree.
In May I will have lived in Portland eight years. This is astonishing to me. As an adult I have not lived anywhere for this long. More than that, I have an active desire to STAY here. You'd have to drag me from Portland kicking and screaming. I seriously love this city.
As a side note, for the past three to four weeks, I've been having anxiety tummy. And I can't quite figure out why it keeps going. Like, there's a lot going on, sure, but there's ALWAYS a lot going on. Why does my tummy go bonkers now? I am crossing my fingers that it is actually a good sign. Like, I am doing things differently (in a good way) and it's making me nervous and so my tummy hurts. Like, if I were just doing same-old same-old my tummy would be fine but nothing exciting would be happening, like improv and fun and flirting with boys and a possible new career.
Well. I think I'm gonna eat my peanut butter and banana sammich now. See ya.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I did finally get the crud that everyone has spent all winter coughing and sneezing on me with. So I am glad I made it to March, really. I stayed home last Tuesday and Wednesday and felt guilty for doing so, although it has held on long enough that now I know it was legit. I frequently am suspicious of my own motives when I stay home sick, as God knows I do love to stay home vs. go to work.
A big reason I stayed home was because I knew I had a plan to go to Olympia on Saturday to see Regina in the roller derby bout with -- wait for it -- Portland! FINALLY.
So, you know, I wanted to be rested up and not sick. As it turned out, I was still sick, but it showed up mostly in me losing my voice. I had the two options of squeaking or whispering. It was strange to attend a roller derby without being able to yell. But I did it. Also, learned quickly to introduce myself to folks with explanation about lack of voice or have Regina do it for me.
By the time the bouts were over (Oly Rollers beat Portland 107 to 101!), I had to go lie down in the backseat of my car for awhile. I felt so crappy and tired. I got to rest for about 45 minutes while Regina wrapped things up, then we drove downtown to the Brotherhood bar that hosts the after parties.
I told Regina, I am not sure how long I'll last. First off, I was exhausted. Second, I had no voice and last time I went to the bar with Regina I felt awkward a lot of the time as I didn't really know people. Regina said it's all good, let's go in. She grabbed my hand and we made our way through the throngs.
As soon as I was in, I felt better and cheered up. I don't know what it was, but I was just enjoying all the energy and excitement. I rarely go to bars, and usually when I do, I'm not particularly in the mood to do so. But being there with Regina was, well, fun.
We got to the back and found Jim, her husband, who was standing and talking with a couple of his guy friends. Regina introduced me around and explained the voice thing. One of Jim's friends valiantly started a conversation with me. At first it was awkward, then funny, then hilarious. "This is awesome," he said, "I can say whatever I want and you can't say anything back!"
As the evening progressed, he managed to "find out" that I am a pilot and a sherpa guide, have been around the world, met Regina back when she had a girlfriend named Lacey and I used to buy her lattes, which very much upset Lacey. I am also a singer. I will have trouble this week at work.
I followed Regina back and forth to the bar and after two very strong drinks, was inebriated aplenty. After only one drink I had bumped into a cute guy at the pool table who was sporting a vest with a fake flower in the lapel. He approached me and we immediately leaned against one another, hip to hip. He asked me a question and I pantomimed an answer. "Yeah, I was thinking about not talking tonight, too -- I like that idea," he responded.
As the night wore on, it became crystal clear that I was completely irresistable to some of the men in the bar. Regina marveled, as did I, silently. What was this about? Sure, I'm cute enough, but I never have men falling over themselves like this. I could only surmise it had something to do with my inability to speak with words. I could use my eyes, my body, but not my voice.
I still don't know exactly what occurred or why, but I have a few guesses around the vulnerability factors. First of all, I was more vulnerable than usual, as I could not reply to anything anyone said (with words, anyway), and they knew they didn't have to worry about that. I wonder too if I didn't walk into that bar more open and present, because what else can you be? I couldn't rehearse or think of clever things to say. All I could do was make eye contact and listen. And it was completely, insanely amazing. It was humbling, in a very good way.
Only Regina knows all that went on that night, as she was present for most of it, but suffice it to say that I achieved all three of my New Year's Revolutions: Having more fun, being more present, and taking more risks.
March 23rd, and I'm in my second improv class, looking for new work, meeting new people and definitely fulfilling what I wanted to do in this new year. Not too shabby.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Last night I went to a New Year's Eve Party at Melissa Marley's house. The theme was New Year's Eve in Havana. Emily came with me. We wore dresses, wraps and big faux flowers in our hair. As it turns out, so did all the other women at the party. Once again, I was relieved to fit right in.
It was the perfect party for me -- friendly people who are also mellow and not drunk, no meat-marketing going on, and great food from a Cuban restaurant. YUM. Also, I finally got to play Rock Band, which I've heard about from my clients and can now say I have rocked the Rock Band. The drums are hard! The bass was easiest. Oh, and singing.
Outside thier door, Melissa and her roommate had posted a "New Year's Revolution" board, where people could post up what their "revolutions" are. Mine were to pay off my stupid credit card (which, pending no more vet emergencies, will be paid off in another ten months! or less!), and to work less and have more FUN. Which I'm pretty sure has been my motto every damn year now that I still have to work on. Duh.
This morning I rethought it, and really I think the "revolution" for me is to take more risks. Which I am aware would be an unwise thing to shoot for in others, but for me, Ms. Cautious, who is less likely to put self into any potentially uncool situation, taking risks means something pretty tame for someone else but quite revolutionary for ME. So! I think that's my revolution. This will hopefully be coupled with being more open and present in general. And other good crap like that.
I am taking an improv class with Stuart starting in a couple of weeks. This is risky! Which is why I signed up, with prodding from Stuart.
Anyhoo.
I slept until noon and still feel incredibly lazy. I had two mochas. Didn't really help, but DELICIOUS.
Milo is bathing himself and PULLING his fur inside of a Pier One bag that is inside a basket. It's crinkly irritation big time. I yell across the room at him, further annoying myself as a white trash kitty mom would do this sort of thing. As if he gives a crap that I yell at him. Or understands what I'm yelling.
I just have to say: I LOVE digital cable, and having HBO and Showtime. And I am immensely excited for the new seasons of Big Love, United States of Tara, Dexter, Flight of the Conchords, True Blood, and others. I mean, I am really excited. I am truly addicted to these premium channels, as the thought of having to cancel them once the price gets jacked up causes me significant anxiety, much the way some teenagers begin to panic when you suggest they quit smoking their marijuana for a bit. What else would one DO with oneself?
My back hurts.
I kind of like my job.
I have three blind dates this weekend.
See ya!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
How come you know you have a million little things to get done until you have about twenty minutes of doing nothing and waiting, and then you can't even remember what all those little things are in order for you to do them with this spare time? So you just sit around and try to remember, what was it that I was going to get to when I got a spare minute? I know it was something... I could totally do it now. But I can't remember.
Monday, December 29, 2008
I am torn on whether Facebook is a good thing. Seems to me there is such a thing as too much exposure to old acquaintances.
So I randomly got wind (through a friend of a friend) that an ex -- a much younger ex -- just got married.
Like, I think he's about 12 years younger than I am. Which weirded me out for most of the relationship, hence, it didn't last long. But more to the point, I remember breaking up for reasons such as "You're just too young and you aren't going to want to settle down anytime soon" blah blah blah. Three years later, he's married and I'm still single.
Which begs the question: Do we really know when ANYONE -- ourselves included -- will ever be ready for ANYTHING? And should that be such a factor in our decision making? I'm really starting to wonder here.
It's not that I wanted to marry this person -- he really is YOUNG, and that was kind of annoying to date. I know I wouldn't want to be permanently hitched to all that naivete and optimism so prevalent in the young. But still. I feel a bit queasy about all this.
Maybe I should go home and lie down.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Snowpocalypse appears to be over... for now.
I couldn't find it on the internets yet, but this morning on the news they confirmed that Portland has broken all records ever recorded for amount of snow in December AND on Christmas. And December ain't even over yet.
So, you know. Al Gore was right. Stupid science, ruining it for all of us.
Ironically, I do believe that most SUV drivers are feeling pretty smug right now, as they are among the few to confidently drive these slippery roads.
I'm HUNGRY. I feel hungry on a regular basis now -- not sure if it's boredom, or if I'm just really not eating enough (sick of all the food in my house), or what. I got a slice of pizza today on the way home from work with Phil and Lindsay and my God, it was the best slice of pizza I've ever had. I bought another slice for later, which I ate at 5:30, then had another mocha. Now it's 11:30... I guess that explains the hunger. Sigh. I can't think of anything here that I want to eat. I should probably just fall asleep, then get up in the morning for another mocha.
I wonder if I'll be able to drive tomorrow. Tonight I went out in the rain and started digging my car out with the lid of a Rubbermaid tub. I wasn't too effective. It's about a foot or more of snow, and there's layers of ice in there too, like a wintery Mother Nature trifle. Yes, food is definitely on my mind.
So, tomorrow is Christmas. There you go.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Woke up to ICE on top of all that snow. It snowed again for awhile today and it seems there isn't really an ETA on things thawing. So, if my company chooses to be open tomorrow anyway, it'll just be one more example of the stupidity of the folks who "run" it. Case in point: They fired someone, then one month later re-hired her in a different department because she had by then gotten married and thus had a different last name, and no one made the connection I guess, or checked her references, maybe?
But enough griping about my crappy company. At least I get to stay home and get paid anyway, as I have loads of vacation time saved up. It was gonna be a short week anyway, and an easy one since school's out the next two weeks, and the kids don't volunteer to come in to the office to see me, that's for sure.
I am cold. But I also dread the gas bill I'll be getting. Poor Grover FINALLY came back to the living room after hours in the cold room that I've blocked from getting heat to save energy, but he'll only stay if he's sitting directly on me as the ironing board is out, and he is TERRIFIED of the ironing board. I don't know if they possibly had an altercation at some point, but there is no reason I know of why he should hate that ironing board so much. But boy howdy does he hate it.
I finished off "Dexter," leaving me with no more rental DVD options unless I want to re-watch the ones I have. Sigh. It doesn't look hopeful on going anywhere at all tomorrow, unless you want to walk. And I don't want to walk. I fall down when it's slippery, and then my back hurts more than usual. As it is I'm sleeping on the couch now (it's in the room that gets heat), also awful for my back.
I sound old.
Oh, right, I am getting old.
Perhaps I am boring myself. Oh, wait, I am. Okay, I'm gonna shut up now.
I am THIS CLOSE to knocking on neighbors' doors to see if anyone wants to play cards or something. This could be seen as A) a valiant attempt at building much-needed community or B) sad, with a side order of pathetic.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
It's been Winter Wonderland off and on all week. Which was awesome at first. I practically got the week off, as I saw not one client and went to the office a total of 1.5 days. So that was cool. But then again, without clients, turns out my job is BORING. Paperwork will only take you so far. I finally went home at 3 on Thursday because I was ready to go insane.
Then Friday things were calm, and it's my day off anyway, and I went to our Enterbeing staff meeting and tried to rub my feet warm through it, then went home again. Marli came over for awhile to watch Summer Heights High on Demand! and we called it a night. The ground was slushy but driveable, and most of the old snow had melted. I figured after a week of Henny Penny on the news talking about the Arctic Blast (which got its own logo, natch) that I would wake up to more clear roads and slush.
Nope.
And it's just snowing and snowing and snowing. I think it's about 23 degrees right now, and it's supposed to snow continually through the day. Below, a crappy cell phone photo of the view out my window.
Earlier in the week, when the threat was that we may not get out of our houses for a week, I went to Movie Madness and rented Seasons 2 of "Big Love" and "Dexter." I've gone through "Big Love" but still have about eight more eps of "Dexter," thank God, plus whatever features are on the DVDs. Boring commentaries, here I come!
Grover just barfed. That's the bad news. The good news is, it has honestly been FOREVER since he barfed. Like, a month or more. It used to be a daily occurence.
But enough about vomit. I must warm my feet and make another mocha. Gotta have something to live for.
Love out!
Milo is maybe getting cabin fever.
But he takes a damn good photo anyway.
Friday, November 14, 2008
7:46AM
How's Milo Edward, you ask?
Well, it's been an interesting couple of months. He's fine, for the most part, but he started pulling out his own fur again. Yep, his kitty trichotillomania flared up again after about four years of remission. My theory is that his amitriptyline just pooped out on him, just like antidepressants poop out on humans after a period of time. After all, our brains continue to change throughout our lives -- wouldn't the same rule apply to kitties?
Anyway. I spoke to the vet and said I'd rather not be giving him an antidepressant if it isn't doing anything. So I started weaning him off of it. And then the pulling REALLY got BAD. I'm going to see if I can figure out how to post a picture, and I'll put one up here. Suffice it to say, he was looking scraggly. Mangy, as Marli described it.
I took him in so the vet could see him, and we decided to get some capsules for stiff joints (which he does have now -- he takes the stairs one at a time, and although pathetic, it's also completely adorable) and a liquid to help moisturize his dry skin. He doesn't have fleas, but maybe his skin is itchy, or maybe his stiff joints are kind of painful. Kitty arthritis.
Once again, I am struck by my taking care of two elderly family members.
We also threw an opiate into the mix, just for fun. I called it his heroin. It's meant to alleviate possible pain he may be having, thus perhaps he would stop pulling once he wasn't maybe in pain anymore? It would be so much easier if they could talk.
I spent a nice chunk of change and went home to fur clumps scattered across the couch, my bed, the floor. Sometimes he pulls so hard he makes his skin bleed. It's heartbreaking.
Suffice it to say, he did not stop pulling his fur out, it continued at a rapid, almost constant pace, until FINALLY the vet went the direction I wanted to go, which was trying another antidepressant.
So yes, my cat is on Prozac. Compounded into a liquid, I chose chicken flavor for my sweet boy.
And guess what? A week later, I haven't seen him pull at all. This is the good news. The not as good news is that the Prozac has side effects (I looked it up last night) and he matches two of them: hyperactivity and loss of appetite. He's barely eating at all, and he goes crazy about three times a day and screams to be let out. He hits the doorknob with his paw and screams, seriously.
Last night, I couldn't take it anymore. This place isn't that big, and he is just a terror when he is in a mood. So I opened the door and he ran outside and right down the stairs. He was so fast that by the time I reached the bottom, I couldn't see him. He likes to shoot across the street and tromp through the neighbor's yard first thing. (I've been giving him supervised outside time, thus his insistence that he be let out when he is crabby. I brought it on myself.)
He stayed out for, oh, three hours? I have no idea where he went, because each time I went outside to look for him, I never could find him. I know him well enough to understand that he may well have been hiding in a bush two feet away from me.
Anyway, I was so pooped last night, but I had to stay up extra late because I really didn't want him spending the night outside. I mean, I'm sure anyone who might let him in would know a 16-pound cat definitely has a home, but still. So about halfway through The Colbert Report, I started walking down the stairs. Halfway down (and I had not said a word or done the kissing sound) Milo came right over from across the street and looked up expectantly. He was waiting for me to scoop him up and carry him up the stairs, of course. I consider it my exercise regime, as I have no other.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Man ALIVE? Did I have a baby or something?
Nah. Just let work (okay, and cable TV) consume my life. Duh.
So! Tonight I am feeling inspired to share. Really, there isn't a whole lot new, really. I have the same job, I still hate it, the kitties are still around and I love my apartment. Yawn, yes?
But we did have a pretty significant election recently, didn't we? And it certainly has somewhat changed my outlook on things. As in, it doesn't feel like I have a very dark cloud lurking behind me at all times. So although I am still in the same position, so to speak, I feel... well, hopeful.
That, and Grover told a joke tonight.
GROVER: Merow? Rrrow. Rrreow!
ME: What's up? What does my sweet kitty-
GROVER: Mrrow! Rrreeow.
ME: Oh, so you're an interrupting kitty, eh? You should be the punchline of that "interrupting cow" joke.
GROVER: (silent, making eye contact)
ME: Knock knock?
GROVER: (still making eye contact)
ME: Who's there? The interrupting cat. The interrupting cat wh-
GROVER: MREOW!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
10:13PM
I've been spilling a lot of things lately. I don't know if this means anything, but it's been weird. I spilled lemonade on my laptop (which I'm currently typing on) and it miraculously didn't completely break down, but the keys now stick. The space bar is the worst. Can't replace the keyboard on a laptop! Also, laptop belongs to company I work for. Oops.
Spilled a Pepsi today. Have spilled an entire bucket of water onto the kitchen floor (took four bath towels and two hand towels to soak it up). Does dropping things count as spilling? Maybe I should have said I'm dropping and/or knocking things over lately.
Anyway.
Life's pretty good. My apartment is all fixed up, leaving me with more time to watch Dr. Katz, surf the internets for my new boyfriend, and think about turning 36. Sigh. I am not going to be a trooper about this, I don't think. I may need to act out in some way, really declare my immaturity. I am sort of obsessed with how much longer I can "pull off" things, like behaviors, clothing, hair cuts, whatever. I try to remind myself that there are many things I used to do in my 20s that I have absolutely no desire to do now, and that's probably what the deal is: It's not so much that you "lose" the ability to do stuff, it's that you lose interest in doing them. So it won't feel like a loss, and you won't even notice it. But I dunno. You see those "cougars" on the television and internets and you wonder: Will that be me?
Grover gained weight! I don't know how much of it was water weight from the fluids I give him every day, but he had gained ONE pound and NINE ounces last weigh-in at the vet. Hello, that's like me gaining fifteen to twenty pounds. I was beside myself. I almost kissed the vet, and not just because I find him completely adorable and secretly want to marry him.
Work's okay. Seems to be going reasonably well for me. I passed the CADC exam and will (hopefully) get a raise soon -- they've given me the vague figure of "over a dollar an hour." You never, ever get a straight answer about anything at my company. I try to breathe through it.
I've taken on more tasks with my Enterbeing job, mostly because they were tasks that Scott's not too good at and because they did bump up my salary. All I have to say is, thank GOD for that second paycheck. I wouldn't get by without it.
I'm running the "economic pressures" series at Enterbeing through May/June, and so far it's been going well. People are telling their stories of economic pressures and we'll be doing a four-week course called "Strapped, Stretched, and Strained: A Community Response to Economic Pressures." You can look at it more here: www.enterbeing.org
The MACG stuff is going, sort of. I still have a horrible crush on one of the labor organizers, who I hear more and more is definitely in a long-term, seemingly "healthy," relationship. And the trial of "all the good ones are taken" continues. But damn he's adorable. Sigh.
I did see a cute ad on OKcupid tonight. He was funny, a good writer, and he had awesome forearms. I have a thing about forearms. I don't know why.
With bated breath, I await the final six episodes of "Lost." In the meantime, I've been enjoying "Eli Stone," "The Big Bang Theory," "Medium," and if I had cable, "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew." I've asked Marli to keep tabs on when they have a marathon, as I caught the last ep while cat sitting and I'm dying to see the rest. Netflix has nothing to say about when it may be released on DVD.
Speaking of cat sitting, for the first time since July 2007, I am going away OVERNIGHT this coming weekend. For two nights, actually. Yes, I am kind of nervous, but for all I know Grover will be around for years and years (in July 2008 it'll be a year since he was diagnosed with renal insufficiency and began his daily sub-Q fluid regime). So, I'm going on a retreat to Nestucca Bay, which I went on last year and had a blast. Marli will take care of the kitties, injecting fluids, doling out pills and love.
The weekend after, I'm going to Olympia to visit Regina and watch the Oly Rollers bout the Rat City Rollers. It's gonna be one hell of a match.
Gone overnight two weekends in a row. Gulp. I'm going to try NOT to do that mother-guilt thing that gets annoying.
Anyway, overall, things are pretty okay. I feel like I've got a pretty nice life carved out for myself, and I'm doing good in the world. You can't ask for much more than that, can you?
Saturday, March 1, 2008
7:12PM
Wow, seven weeks! It actually feels like longer than that since I've written in here... anyway, there's been a bunch of stuff going on. Shocker.
1. I moved! To a new, nice apartment about 1/2 mile away from my old apartment. Different property managers though, and a building that is well cared for and really cool as it is from the 1920s or 1940s maybe? My apartment is a studio "plus" as it has a main room, a big kitchen, a bathroom, then a narrow "sun room" that fits a twin bed and a desk.
Yes, I am 35 and now sleeping in a twin bed. I choose to believe this makes me even sexier than I already am as it becomes a challenge for any suitor to figure out just how he is going to bed me.
The other option is to think that I have perhaps resigned myself to a life of celibacy and cat spooning. I could get all worked up about it, but what's the point? If I PLAN OUT having that elusive boyfriend, it doesn't happen. So maybe if I make my life fit ME and only ME, either someone will come along, or someone won't come along, and my life will be all set. There you go.
I am currently STILL unpacking (I moved Feb 2nd) and slowly painting all rooms. The living room ended up blue. The alcove is sort of a mocha color. The sun room will be a lavendar type color. The kitchen is planning on being pink, but I may change my mind if I can't seem to settle on a pink. Let me tell you that I went through FOUR colors in the living room to get to the one it ended up being.
I buy my paint from ecohaus, so it is environmentally friendly (friendlier, at least). Also, Craig the adorable paint guy is my new imaginary boyfriend. I had another imaginary boyfriend, but he has a long-term girlfriend and it got less fun after awhile as he seems to be hell-bent on not breaking up with her. At least that's how I see it.
2. My mom got hip replacement surgery. Which has been somewhat bizarre as the surgery happened the day AFTER I moved, so there was a lot of upheaval happening all at once. She's fine, but it was freaky because the last time she had surgery I was 14 and she had breast cancer, so it brought up all this old stuff and I sincerely was feeling 14 most of the time. Which is only added to the amount of time I ALREADY feel like a teenager because I work with them and by osmosis my coworkers and I totally absorb the attitudes and behaviors of teenagers, with added frontal lobe lighting, of course. Thank God for that.
3. Grover Bean is struggling with his health. He's really keeping me on my toes, because one minute he'll be fine and digging through a box to find his catnip candy cane and pulling it out adorably, and the next he'll be looking green around the gills and pathetically lying in his basket that is lined with my baby blanket. It gets almost unbearable at times. Tonight he's barfed like ten times, so I called the emergency vet and gave her the drill -- I give him fluids once a day, Pepcid A/C twice a day, Renacare once a day. She said have him fast from all food and water for four hours to hopefully break the cycle of puking, then try again and see if he can hold anything down. If he can't, I'll have to take him to the hospital. Then I decided to give him his fluids early for his dehydration, and he fought me the whole time, then bounced around looking fresh and footloose five minutes later. Now he's sleeping next to me looking not so hot again. It is a ROLLERCOASTER I tell you.
I have to keep telling myself that every day is a blessing with him, and that he IS dying, so I have to expect that and prepare for that. However you prepare for it. I worry that the move maybe put additional stress on him and is affecting his health. But who knows? And the apartment was chosen big time on the fact that it's almost all windows on one side, with nothing but trees outside the windows. We're on the third floor, so it's like our own treehouse. The bed is perfectly flush with the windows, so when I leave in the morning, they're splayed out on the bed with the sun bathing their furry bodies. I am acutely aware that this may be the last place they live, and I am so happy that it's a place they can really enjoy.
3. I was asked to be a Multnomah County leader for the MACG, which was flattering and somewhat tempting, but two things kept me from saying yes: a) My already betrothed crush is on the leadrship team and b) omigod I am already doing 20,000 things, like I really need something else? Of course it was pointed out to me that I would have to choose some things to give up, but frankly, I'm already giving up things like making a concerted effort to find a job, have a social life, perhaps find a way to meet eligible and sane single men in their thirties, etc. Anyway, it really made me see what I HAVEN'T been doing that it would behoove me to do, as I am getting resentful of others who do have cool jobs and significant others, as if it's their fault that I say yes to doing all this stuff.
4. I have new and improved internets at home, and it's FREE. Before the move I decided to scrap having cable internet as it is freakin' FIFTY DOLLARS a month and my rent is going up considerably. Then I took a chance and got this Sprint air card that work was trying to get me hooked up with to use with my laptop, but I had zero faith that it would actually work. But since I was desperate, I gave it a whirl. Turns out not only does it work anywhere, it works AT HOME, and now I can watch "Lost" or for that matter, ANYTHING, on my laptop at home! My rickety old iMac was never capable of streaming video so you could really watch it. Let me tell you, the first week I was here, I slept through the season premiere of "Lost" (which is a whole other story -- my God was I tired, that I fell alseep TWO MINUTES before it was starting because I closed my eyes for just a few seconds) and that weekend I watched it on the laptop and it was gorgeous, plus I could put the laptop right in front of me and lay down on the couch under the covers. The closest thing to heaven.
5. Speaking of heaven, there's this movie, "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead," which in the first minute of the movie makes a little more sense because there's a quote, an Irish toast apparently, right before the title that is, "May you be in heaven for at least thirty minutes..."
BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YOU'RE DEAD
And THEN it opens on this sex scene with Phillip Seymour Hoffman, who I love as an actor, but I have to tell you, this sex scene was something I really could have lived a happy life without seeing. In fact, it has contributed to a disturbance as I have continued to have post-traumatic stress-like flashbacks ever since. Of THAT scene. And there are a lot of disturbing scenes in this movie (which are also popping up), but the sex scene is really the worst for me. I'm not even completely sure why. The obvious answer is that Phillip Seymour Hoffman is not a man you want to see buck naked having extremely realistic pretend sex with Marisa Tomei. But it was more than that. I won't say any more in case you're going to see the movie, but you don't know anything about the relationship these two people have when you're seeing the sex scene, and then you get more and more information and by the end you realize the sex scene is even MORE disturbing than it was in the beginning of the movie. And that's all I'm gonna say about it.
6. Milo Edward is doing fine, by the way. No more seizures since that one. And his liver enzymes are down, but the thyroid is up, so now he's getting thyroid meds (which are pricey, thank you very much) along with liver meds, and we got to stop the Denosyl, which was a pain in the ass due to his having to fast overnight. Thank God that's over. He's fatter than ever, back up to 15 pounds and possibly approaching his old fighting weight of 16 pounds. I am actually ordering all fluids and Milo's thyroid meds through ThrivingPets.com and saving such a bundle that I'm kicking myself for not doing it sooner. I get I always had the fear that the minute I buy the fluids in bulk (twelve 1000 ml bags per box), Grover would quickly decline and pass away, and I'd be stuck with the fluids AND a broken heart. Sort of a weird superstition. Frankly, I'm still paranoid since he's doing so poorly tonight and there's a box of 11 bags in my cupboard.
7. I don't know what the deal is, but I am eating like crap these days. The only things I'm hungry for are mochas, nachos, carrot cake and string cheese. Basically salt and dairy. It's terrible but if I don't eat that I won't eat anything at all. I'm clearly not parenting myself very well, as I should just put a plate of salad in front of me and say, "Eat this or you'll eat NOTHING." But who am I kidding. I just give myself a banana split and say to myself, "at least you're getting your potassium."
8. I am half-deaf in one ear, and have been for over a week now. I know what's going on -- there's fluid in my ear, a leftover side-effect from a cold I had two weeks ago. I usually have ear fluid stuff when I get colds as I had tubes in my ears when I was a kid, and I'm prone to this stuff. But this is the first time it's just stuck around. I finally called the advice nurse at Kaiser (thank God for a job with health insurance!) and she said I could try a decongestant and lying on the ear that needs to drain to help it along. Also, drink tons of water. Isn't it weird how drinking tons of water is usually the cure for everything?
It's been about a day and a half since I started the Sudafed regimen and so far, nothing. Not even hints of draining, like sometimes if you chew it'll start to loosen up or whatever. I'm supposed to make an appointment to go in if it's not better by Monday. It's so annoying not being able to hear out of one ear. And you never realize how much people mumble until you have to turn ONE ear to them at all times in order to understand them. Mumbles McGees everywhere, I tell you.
9. I really need to do my taxes. Why am I procrastinating on this, when I'll probably be getting money back?
10. I find silence unnerving. And I find that fact about myself to be unnerving.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
On Sunday someone unnamed came to Core Team and basically threw a lot of rocks, was belligerent and condescending and hijacked the whole meeting. I made it through an hour before I lost it and let him have it in the meeting. He wouldn't back down, and didn't even let me finish a single sentence. I am still fuming, and Dory and I both feel that the Core Team needs to decide on next steps because we're not willing to have another meeting where that happens.
My work sent me an e-mail yesterday morning saying that it's "company policy" to only allow two paycheck draws in order to pay back a "loan." So basically, I'm getting a check for $250 on Thursday (for that stupid f*ing CADC), then on my next two paychecks, 1/24 and 2/8, they will suck $122.50 out of them.
Nice. And real helpful, by the way. I've raised a real stink and pointed out that not only wasn't I told about this "policy," I was sold a false bill of goods in that it was alluded to ME that I would pick how long it took to pay it back. In fact, the form I filled out ASKED me how much to take out, and I specified $25. I did not sign or even verbally agree to having them taking that much out of my paychecks, and it is MY money, after all. Not to mention, and I told this to Beth Vader, why bother saying you can help me with this when you're just going to pull it out from under me? Halving it really isn't much help at all. My bills aren't taking a vacation.
It's just so damn typical. It's unacceptable, inconsiderate, and nobody gives a crap or will budge one inch on this. And you know what? That's about 75% of the goings-on at this shitty company.
Please, God, let me find a new job SOON.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Oh yeah, and I talked to the vet today. Here's the scoop:
Grover Bean's results overall are "consistent" and "really good."
His BUN is 79... I think the range stops at 35, so it's still very high, but in the past it was 55, then 60, then 65, then 76... so that's pretty good that it's only gone up a bit.
His creatinine is 5.1, down from a last 5.6. I can't remember what it was when he was hospitalized, but I think it wavered around the 5.something. It's still high, but it went down a tad.
His phosphorus and electrolytes are normal! All in all, Grovey is doing swimmingly, or at least steady as she goes. Vet said he doesn't have to have more blood work for another six months! YAY! Also, the fluids and medicine are doing their job I guess!
Milo Edward's results overall are good news on the liver!
His liver enzymes overall have "decreased dramatically."
His ALP is 67... it goes from 0-62 normal range, so still a tad high, but previous results were: 117, 85, 113. So wow, really down from that last number, eh?
His ALT is 177... it goes from 28-110 normal range, so again, still high, but previous results were: 310, 223, 485! It's gone from 485 to 177 in two months! Those are some good steroids!
His AST is 50, which is normal (5-55 normal range), previously was 62. Nice.
But! His thyroid, which previously was 2.5 (.4-5.2 is normal range), was 7.1
Weeeird. So, vet wanted to run an additional test on his blood to rule out some hypothyroidism (which Milo does not display symptoms of) or maybe inflammatory bowel disease. Also, vet is going to consult with a kitty disease (or something) expert for, as he put it, "Milo's sake and my own curiosity." Milo is a medical mystery, basically. Which makes total sense to me. He is, in general, a pretty mysterious guy.
Anyway. This does not explain the mild seizure, but he's been fine and I haven't witnessed any other seizure activity.
Okay. Off to watch Friday Night Lights. You should, too.
8:33PM
The power went out for a couple of hours tonight as we are having crazy wind. I realized as I was driving home and noticed everything in the neighborhood was terribly DARK that the power must be out. I stopped by the grocery store to get lemonade and cream cheese. When I got in the house I stumbled around to find candles as I have no flashlight. And apparently all I have left in the candle family are about twenty tea lights. It occurred to me that I had just come from a store that not only sells candles, but flashlights, too. I haven't had a flashlight in about four years and I am amazed that I still have not bought one, even after several power outages. I don't know what this about.
Well, anyway. Obviously, the power is back on. And just in time for a new episode of Friday Night Lights. Joy!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
8:54AM
I spoke with the vet last night and Milo was due to have another blood panel run anyway, so I'm just going to bring him (and his lucky brother) in this morning to get blood drawn. The results should come back tonight or tomorrow; hopefully we'll know more then.
Not related at all, but on my mind, is that the "d" on my keyboard has stopped working. So what I have to do is find a "d" somewhere on the webpage I'm on, copy it and paste it each time I have to type "d." Sometimes I do it as I go along, other times I just wait until I'm done and then fill in the "d"s. It's slightly crazy-making.
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